sorry

i should feel something, probably happiness though i barely fell anything but aching sadness any more, why is it so important that i do this. that i have a party that i ask for presents when none of that is what i really want what i really need. i appreciate what you do for me but i don't know if i will manage to be strong enough to go through with it. there is too much uncertainty and loss in my life for me ever to truly let go and for that i am sorry, sorry i act selfish but it is the easiest way to act sorry i distance my self for you and sorry that i did not turn out as you hoped. i wish i could make it up to you but it takes too much out of me just to convince you let alone let my actions hold any feeling, the only word that i have probably said to you in ages that has any meaning is sorry. and i know i say it everyday for everylittle mistake i make you think i don't mean it but i do. ireally do. so.sorry.